When I came upon the idea to write this post, my brain drew a blank. Bullying is such an important subject in my life and I feel like it needs to be spoken about more. I have always said being a ‘social influencer‘ that I always want to be REAL with my audience, so hiding this huge issue that has affected me in the past which has now shaped me into the person I am today is not okay.
When you think of the word ‘bullying‘ what comes to mind? In my head it triggers all types of different meanings.. name calling, backstabbing, hurtful comments, but what also factors into this word is what all of these ‘little‘ things do to that one person on the other end. Having been the receiver of all these things I know how it feels to feel, lonely, hurt and worthless. I don’t want this to be an all-around negative post but I just want it to leave a thought in your mind that it costs nothing to be nice to someone.
I was bullied from a very young age, all the way until the end of high school, people used to always tell me ‘ohh, don’t be silly, school is the best time of your life, appreciate it‘ and in some aspects, yes, I agree, the school holidays and finishing at 3pm is great, but the other side of school outsiders will never see, let alone understand is, what happens in that time spent with your peers? What do you have to deal with in class?
As I said, bullying started from a very young age for me, unpleasant name calling, notes around the class and whispering behind my back, all my bullying was associated with the way I look, which I suppose is what hurt the most for me. It came down to anything really, the colour of my hair (which naturally is strawberry blonde), the freckles on my nose to my height and weight. To paint a picture in your head I was quite tall and skinny and people didn’t like that, I got the obvious ‘lanky‘ name calling and ‘ginger‘ comments, which naturally made me become very self conscious of my body at a young age. By the age of 12 I had begged my mum to let me dye my hair because I was sick of the horrible comments (which I really wish I hadn’t now) and I actually developed an eating disorder in which my weight plummeted and I looked awfully too thin.
My situation with bullying became a lot more serious towards the end of my high school experience. Something that is quite personal and I have never ever shared on social media before is my ears, (I know, sounds weird) I was born with very stuck out ears, they were completely noticeable and that is one of the main factors that came into play with name calling, ‘big ears‘, ‘dumbo‘, I had heard them all. Pictures floated around classes with imitation drawings of me, and name calling continued on the way home from school too. Luckily, I actually had my ears pinned back in 2013 as it was a matter that had knocked my confidence massively for years and it was something I had felt extremely self conscious about since I was younger.
Myself as a person, when I left school a part of me felt relieved, whereas another part of me felt deflated, having that torment for so many years does really turn your confidence upside down and I didn’t really know what to do with myself. That’s when I turned to blogging. Blogging has helped me overcome so many barriers that stopped me feeling good about myself for so long. Who would of thought little me, would now stand there in the middle of a busy London street and pose for an Instagram photo when a couple of years ago I would be too scared to walk through a classroom door first?
One person in my life I am grateful for is my mum, who stood by me through thick and thin. She understood everything I was going through and she helped me every possible way to keep me happy.
This post is to thank the people who put me through hell and back because you have shaped me into the independent, strong willed, happy girl I am today. I have now learned not to take sh*t from people, why should a comment hurt me if they don’t know me? I wanted to leave you with something to think about.. some people are battling obstacles you have no idea about, so what does it cost to be nice to someone? Nothing.
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